British beings like me a lot. The police build barriers to stop me getting mobbed
I‘d like to start by thanking myself bigly for spotting the time to talk to you at this news conference. As many of you will know, the president of the United States of America is a really busy human. Perhaps the busiest worker in the world. And no chairman has ever been busier than me. I am the busiest. So I’m sure you’d like to join me in thanking me for constituting time in my schedule for you.
When I said yesterday Nato was a waste of space and I couldn’t wait to leave, “thats been” fake information. I don’t know why the media ever choose to report me accurately but they do. I’m telling you now that Nato is a great place. One of all the best residences I’ve ever called. I like it a lot. A lotly a lot. I’ve got a lot of belongings in Nato. More owneds than any other person in the world. You should come and stay in them some time. You actually should. And the Natians are some of the most wonderful beings I’ve ever filled. The very nicest.
But I’m telling you this and I need you to hear me. Some of the Natians haven’t been paying their fair share. And that’s got to stop right now. So that’s what I told them. I answered, if you don’t compensate your fair share then you aren’t compensating your fair share. And yes, we had some tough talks about that. Some of the most severe talks of all time.
But we got there in the end, with the Natians agreeing to pay what they had already agreed to pay. No one agreement tougher than me. No one.
So Nato is now a good deal safer and a lot stronger than when I arrived here a got a couple of days ago. It was shocking to see the force in the room. And I guess that’s down to me. Everyone here in Natoland has personally thanked me. That’s a fact. A factly actuality. Each Natian has made a point of coming up to me to say thank you. They thanked me a great deal for has become a very stable genius.
They supposed:” Thank you, Mr President, you can leave now .” Even Mr Stoltenburger- I’ve never eat one of those- thanked me as he showed me the door. That was a joke by the way. I like to make nonsenses. I make a lot of mockeries. I truly do. You should request Pierce Morgan. He responds I’m the funniest chap he’s ever met.
My next stop is Britain, England. I’m going to a lot of jolly hotspots on this European journey. But that’s what the president does. He goes to hotspots. And I make no bones about it, hotspots don’t get hotter than Blenheim Palace and Windsor Castle. There’s a lot of very bad parties in those situates. Worse even than Afghanistanistan.
But America induces best available artilleries in the world. We certainly do. The very best. No one shapes better weapons than America. You should buy some of them. We’ve got planes that can do incredible things. Concepts you wouldn’t believe. Just like in the cartoons. Have you watched Fox News? So I can look after myself if the environmental issues may be too hostile. I’m not worried. Nothing worries me. I sleep very well at night. Better than any other chairperson. I make my remembrance sud mattress everywhere. Helps with my dementia. Not that I have it.
I believe the British parties like me a lot. They like me so much the police have had to build barriers everywhere I go to stop me being mobbed by my fans. And I’m really looking forward to get out and ensure a little bit of the country and not gratifying anyone. I enjoy not congregating beings. Hugely.
What’s that about heartbreak? Oh, you said hard Brexit. I thought you said heartbreak. I’ve had heartbreak. Though not so much recently. I predict Brexit conveys Brexit though I haven’t really leaved it much conceive. Then no one in Britain, Europe, has either. Just make sure you’ve got enough encloses for the adolescents and it’ll be fine.
So yeah, I anticipate the first 2 day of my UK trip are going to be a bit dull. Just lunch and a few castlings. But then I get to go up to my golf course in Turnberry, Scotland, England. I’ve got a lot of golf courses. No president has ever had more golf courses.
And mine are the best. The absolute excellent. It’s going to be great putting my feet up before I go off to see Vladimir Putin. He’s a great guy. A fortune of beings misunderstand him. He’s a competitor not an adversary. We get on really well and I’m telling you he can’t wait to hear what I’ve got to say about you Natians.
Thanks so much for my period. It was your pleasure.
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